The story begins with my contemplation of pursuing a PhD, a decision that came to the forefront during an intense discussion with my mom, fueled by both emotion and alcohol. As we talked, I found myself reflecting on my time during my MSc, and that’s when it hit me—no matter how many fights I had with Teressa, it was she who made the entire experience bearable. The sudden realization that she wouldn’t be around during my PhD journey panicked me. But then came a deeper question: why her?
Sometimes, we overlook the true value someone brings to our lives until we experience their absence. It’s only later that you confront the internal dialogue: “I was so fortunate to have had that person in my life. They made the hard times sufferable.” Despite our differences, Teressa played a significant role in my life, much like Shikha, who was a true love and source of genuine affection. With Teressa, I was naive, unable to fully express what she meant to me.
During my masters, Teressa was my anchor—a person I could rely on, fall back on, and confide in. Never before had I experienced someone like that. Yes, we had our share of conflicts, and eventually, we parted ways. But I will always be grateful that she was there during that pivotal time. Sometimes it indeed feels cringeworthy to admit, but these are the people who shaped me and supported me when I needed it most.
The key question became: what role did she play? The answer is simple—she didn't care about the bad moments or the struggles in either of our lives. She was the kind of person who provided unwavering support, especially when you've never had it before. And when that support is taken away, it’s a deeply painful process. It’s not just about how they treated you in those specific moments; it’s about recognizing the larger role they played in shaping who you are, and how blind you were to it at the time. I spent too much energy resenting them, demonizing them, rather than appreciating their impact.
People might ask why I let someone like her leave my life, but I’ve come to realize that I’m often ignorant or naive when it comes to recognizing these things at the moment. That’s why I get angry after the fact—because I’ve already missed the opportunity to hold on. My heart sank at the thought that there would be no Teressa during my PhD. Yes, I might find someone new, but nothing will ever be like the original. Some people, and some experiences, hold an irreplaceable place in your life. And it breaks your heart when they’re no longer part of it.
And that’s why we need to look for people like Teressa and hold them carefully. People who play such a big role in our lives, who quietly shape us, are rare. They support us in ways we don’t always notice, and it’s only when they’re gone that we realize their importance. Once we find them, we need to recognize their value before it’s too late—because nothing can truly replace them.