The Tug of War: Freedom vs. Responsibility

I’ve been chewing on this topic for a while, but it was too abstract to pin down. I couldn’t find a structure. But I want to explore what I call the tug-of-war between freedom and responsibility.

First, some context. This started with my hatred for the corporate world, something I’ve covered in detail before. I was looking at it through a purely logical lens, but then I hit this word: "Yearning." I think I yearn for something else, something higher, but circumstances keep me from finding it. This disconnect is something almost all of us feel.

When you come down to the harsh reality, the truth is that not everyone achieves what they yearn for. So, why are we chasing it? We’re tied down by our responsibilities. In India, specifically, I see poverty and helplessness everywhere. The primary task for most people is just putting food on the table. Even in the middle or upper-middle class, no one cares about that "yearning" because they’re too busy trying to pull themselves and their families out of the shit they’ve been living in. I see people taking loan after loan just to meet basic necessities.

But for people like me, Gen Z and newer generations who grew up in relatively well-off families, the world is open. We see places, we see what freedom looks like, and everything is accessible at our fingertips. That’s where the yearning starts bugging you.

There’s a phenomenon where each generation moves up the spiral dynamic stages; we become more conscious. Gen Z has started noticing the slavery and the unconscious decisions previous generations took. We see right through it. We’re asking: "Is this how it’s supposed to be?"

Unfortunately, as of today, the answer is: yes, it is what it is. You have to suck off your corporate overlords and live your life in a trance, day in and day out, because of some unconscious pit you or your ancestors dug. For me, it was my education loan. For others, it’s a house, a fancy car, or unpaid family debts they’ve been forced to carry.

So, you sit in these fancy offices with a fuck-ton of money, but what’s the point? I have an appraisal coming up, and I’ve been thinking: do I want more money or more freedom? In the corporate world, more money equals more slavery. Let’s not lie, everyone needs money. If someone says otherwise, they’re fucking lying. But you have to pause and contemplate: what does this money really mean? Is it buying me freedom, or is it just making me a more sophisticated slave?

Let’s talk about freedom for a moment. Freedom isn’t free. You have to work for it; you have to earn it. If you think freedom means no responsibilities, you’re fucked. Freedom actually comes with the most responsibility because you have to work twice as hard to maintain it.

But what does freedom even mean? My interpretation, which might evolve, is this: Freedom is nothing but "effort on your own terms." That’s it. It’s not just travelling or avoiding responsibilities or living in a cabin in the woods. Those are byproducts, not the thing itself.

If freedom is effort on your own terms, let’s make it meaningful. You eventually accept that to achieve those byproducts, you have to work a lot. But when you become more conscious, you ask: "I’m ready to put in the hours, but at what?" I yearn for the byproducts, but what is the real yearning? What’s the purpose? You can earn those same byproducts in a job, so it’s definitely something else.

The sad part? Some people die still finding that answer. Did they fail? I wouldn’t say that. It’s just that fucking hard. When you realize that, a corporate job doesn't seem so bad after all, does it?

I’ve seen people on both extremes, and honestly, both are miserable. It usually comes down to a lack of purpose, a higher goal. It's about what you want at a core level. For example, I yearn to retire in a small town in Provence, France, working in a petite cafe or on tech, reading philosophy and psychology. I thought hard about it: do I want that exact life, or do I yearn for what it represents? I think the latter is true. I can’t tell you exactly what it means yet; I’m still figuring it out.

There is a difference between having a "high goal" and what I want. Some people want an "eternal project", something that helps humanity and transcends their own death. They find meaning there. Me? I’m more of the view that there isn’t a lot of meaning to life. My goal doesn't help humanity or transcend my death. Neither path is wrong; it just depends on your unique worldview.

I’m bad at conclusions, but I intended to do two things here: write down my own take to reflect on later, and leave you, the reader, more confused and asking deeper questions.